Why You Should Never Trust A Vegetarian

06/10/15 -- When is a vegetarian not a vegetarian? When they're drunk it would seem is the answer to that one. A survey of UK "vegetarians" found that 37% of them drop their dirty carrot munching vows when they go out and get drunk!

And a shocking 34% of these lentil-lovers admit to eating meat every single time that they get drunk, and another 26% fairly often.

Unsurprisingly the proportion of these wracked with guilt falafel and humus wrap munchers that don't admit to their sins the following day is a rather high 69%.

Well then, 37% admit to eating meat, and 69% say that they lie when they have eaten meat! They're all eating it then by the looks of it!

So, I bet you're dying to know what lovely meatie nibbles lure these sandal clad lettuce lovers over to "the dark side" - a nice juicy steak maybe? Nope. Top guilty pleasure is the humble kebab (39%), followed by a burger in second slot (34%), the mighty bacon sarnie in third (27%), followed by fried chicken (19%) and pork sausages (14%).

One thing I find interesting about that is that half the stuff they are breaking their vows for is rubbish anyway (and presumably then re-affirms their belief that meat is murder the next day), although if they are drunk then we assume that it could be late at night and thus a kebab, a burger or some poxy deep fried chicken is all that they have open to them staggering down the High Street at midnight.

What however do we make of the 27% give in to a bacon butty? I don't know about you, but we don't have any late-night bacon butty shacks around here. Nor have I ever seen one. So there are two options here:

a) these veggies are drunk at 8-10am in the morning, and then pop down the local cafe for a brekkie.

b) these are pre-meditated "oh look, I think I've accidentally found some bacon at the back of the fridge hidden behind the tofu, and as I only bought it yesterday it's still well within it's sell-by date, phew" veggies - a bit like those people on a diet with a stash of Dairy Milk at the bottom of the salad drawer "just in case".

Vegetarians - drunken, liars then it would seem.