Sweet Crisis Worsens

20/12/10 -- Just days after the Russian Ministry confirmed that almost their entire sherbet crop had been wiped out by drought, the Australian Wine Gum Board have said that heavy rains in the east of the country would see supplies of the fruity chew drop to the lowest levels since the war.

"Farmers had been hoping for a bumper wine gum crop until the rains started," they said. However, non-stop rain since July has led to almost the entire crop being downgraded to "those black ones that nobody likes," they say.

It's just the latest in a series of devastating blows to have been dealt to the global confectionery market recently, said one analyst.

"Only last month the Ivory Coast's entire output of coffee cremes was wiped out after accidentally being left on the dashboard of a Ford Fiesta in full sunlight for three days," he added.

One UK sweet shop owner was recently dragged from his shop and almost beaten to death with a Curly Wurly after locals accused him of profiteering after he increased the price of a Milky Way from 27p to 29p "totally without warning".

The government have appealed for calm, and have assured elderly people that there are sufficient supplies of extra strong mints on hand to get them through the winter.

The sick will also be issued with one packet of Tunes each, which they will be asked to suck very slowly with the wrappers still on, in line with government guidelines until the situation improves, said a Whitehall official.

More as we get it...