Wheat Urgently Wanted - Top Prices Paid

Anything will do. We'll pay GBP160/tonne (USD245/tonne) for as much as you can throw at us. Don't worry about the quality, it's only going to get left out in the rain to rot anyway. We've only got one machine for testing bushel weight and that's broken so just send in anything you like. All welcome.

Lots of love,

The Indian Government

It's the dream scam of the century. Those lovable bent as a nine bob note halfwits the Indian government have fixed the price that they will pay Indian farmers for their wheat this season at a very generous Rs11,000/tonne. It's all in the name of supporting the rural economy apparently. Well at that price it would be impolite to say no wouldn't it? Support away boys, and here's the best bit there's no strict rules on quality or any of that nonsense, they'll take anything!

They'll be unwittingly supporting the rural economy in neighbouring Pakistan and beyond as well at those prices I'd have thought too. I wonder if they'd like to buy any of that black smelly stuff left over from last year that they've already paid once for as well? Well put me down for a slice of that action, where do I apply? What I've got to ring your call centre in Milton Keynes, bugger, I won't be able to understand a word they're saying.